Today was a morning of strong emotions, time pressure and a pre-teen angry at himself for not being more responsible.It all started yesterday when, despite my reminding him several times, Vlad let himself be seduced by the computer and didn’t finish his French homework as he had declared he wanted to do. I know it’s very hard to be aware of screen time so I usually help him with that and tell him to make his phone ring after a while or I remind him to stop, that he wanted to do other things.Last night he stopped, but he didn’t do his homework, he kept putting it off thinking he had a little more .
This morning, the first real fall morning, I spent more time with the puppy outside and there were 40 minutes left to get ready to go. Vlad keeps getting lost in other activities and I remind him that he still has homework to do, packing, because we agreed to sleep over at a colleague’s house and I have to get ready for a meeting so he has to help me pack his sandwich and pack his water too. He had already fed the dog and was at the table with the cereal.I also sat down at the table after making his sandwich and he brings the assignment sheet. Under time pressure, Vlad can’t concentrate and waits for me to dictate what to write in French. I try to explain, which fails miserably and ends with tears in my eyes. Let me see what I’m doing, he says. I take a deep breath, it’s not my nerves, and go to get ready to leave, at least to be ready in time.
When I get to the kitchen, Vlad moistens a napkin and I wonder what he’s doing. He’s cleaning out his backpack. Yesterday he wanted pancakes with jam to go, which leaked into the casserole dish, into his backpack and onto a notebook. To my surprise, she doesn’t blame me, she just says she won’t want any more pancake with jam from now on at school. He asks me to check if he managed to wipe it off and I help him, it was still dirty.
Water, he forgot the water. The filter is empty, he fills it and waits. It’s already late, we’ll be late. He says he won’t take any more, let it go. I call in our emergency supply and give him a bottle. I think he’s taken enough on himself this morning, I want to help him.In the car after we leave he already remembers he forgot to put his braces on. He has to wear it most of the time and this afternoon he is going to his friend’s house, he won’t be home. What do we do, he asks me. I reply nothing, that’s it. I ask him where he left it and tell him he needs to try to get a routine so he doesn’t forget. Then I explain to him with verbs and endings how it is, I don’t know if I chose the best moment, but I hope he understands now, he seemed to be quiet.It’s hard for me to let him do so many things, it’s like he’s still little. It’s even harder for me, when we’re pressed for time and he’s sleepy and groggy, not to assert my authority. It’s hard for me not to identify myself with all of it and be detached from activities, emotions, only create the framework, only help when my help is asked for. Sometimes I get away with it, sometimes I yell and then I apologize. I try to let him be on his own feet, to stop depending on me. And yet, usually in the morning, 10 minutes we sit on the couch, me with the coffee, Vlad next to me and Ari over, next to, under us and cuddle. The need for affection remains there regardless of age or species.I invite you to sign your child up for the October workshops “I have the courage to speak up in front of the class” for 7-9 year olds from 6.10 sign up here, “I try, I fail and I move on” for 9-12 year olds from 7.10 and, sign up here. and “Body Science” from 13.10 for 7-0 year olds, registration here. Find details about the events and pictures of the workshops on the Facebook page Courses For Life, we look forward to seeing you!