Solve any problem with your child in 9 steps

UPS (Universal Problem Solving ) is a scheme to help adults and children solve problems/decisions/manage conflict situations.You can suggest using the nine steps to resolve a tense situation in your family. In this way, the child will remember this pattern and become more aware of the role of emotions in everyday situations. My suggestion is that you dothis with your child, so that they can see that you don’t know everything right off the bat and that you use different methods to find the best solutions, which will increase their self-esteem and build their confidence in their own strengths.

Follow the steps below to find the best solution:

  1. Identify the feelings and emotions you have about the problem

. The

  1. first and very important step is to observe your own feelings: am I frustrated, sad, angry, jealous?
  1. Relax, use relaxation strategies


  1. Before I go any further with the train of thought take some time to calm down, take a deep breath take a long bath, or go for a walk, what works for you and your child.
    1. Discover the problem.
    2. In what way is it a problem for you or for you?
    3. Identify what you want and set a goal that follows the 3R’s rule: be realistic, achievable and rational.
    4. Think of as many solutions to the problem as possible , generate ideas using brainstorming


  1. It is important to observe your feelings about the problem and set a goal before generating solutions.
  1. Think about the pluses and minuses as well as


  1. consequences of the solutions found


    1. You can also use the technique of visualising the results of the solution.
    2. Basically close your eyes, imagine you have made that decision and observe how you feel, how you will act, what changes others will notice.
    3. Choose the best solution.
    4. Plan how you will implement the chosen solution and think about how you will manage the identified minuses


  1. What obstacles do you anticipate and how will you overcome them?
  2. Use the chosen solution. How did it work? Did the thinking model help you? What did you learn new?

I did this thinking exercise myself and here’s how it worked out. I asked Vlad to take the sports equipment out of the washing machine and because he was playing on the computer he postponed it. I reminded him a few more times. Eventually he went to take them out, threw the bag that was on the wire on the floor and put his stuff in there. He left some in the washing machine, all in two minutes to quickly run back to the computer. This pattern of behaviour is repeated on other subjects.

How did I feel? Angry, that he dropped my stuff and that he doesn’t help me when I ask.Frustrated because I consider playing on the computer a waste of time and don’t see what added value it brings, plus the experts indicate it’s bad for you.I calmed down, took a deep breath, aware that sitting at the computer is a point that generates a lot of emotional triggers .Because I was upset I didn’t bake him any more cake. Little revenge. Really?Yes!I see two problems. One that I need help with stuff around the house and two that sitting at the computer is unhealthy. I’m just going to continue on the idea of help around the house now.I want to get help when I ask for it, even if it takes a few minutes to get it. I want computer time to be limited.Solutions with minusesLet’s agree before sitting down at the computer what everyone’s duties are (forget what needs to be done by lunch). Make a to-do list (choose priorities other than making the list).Let’s prioritize what needs to be done, if I need help now or if it can wait (if the priority is low he might forget to do it and I have to keep reminding him).I think the best solution is to think in the morning or evening what needs to be done and make a list and a plan.I will go through the model with Vlad too, because when we communicate a problem and discuss solutions together, Vlad finds the best strategies and applies them.Because when you come up with a proposal, you also take responsibility for it, unlike when someone else tells you what to do. I’ll write in another post how it worked out!


………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………. For customized programs to increase self-confidence and develop children’s social-emotional skills, please contact us at or 0729039511, we welcome your requests and suggestions. We organize camps and offer programs for afterschool and kindergarten or school otherwise week on emotional intelligence, self-esteem, online opportunities and sex education.

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