I get this question from parents or teachers after workshops and sometimes from the mothers of Vlad’s classmates when the kids come over. And every time, I invariably get stuck. I don’t know what to answer. What is a good child? My mind quickly starts searching for images of the child in question, rewinding the stereotypes that exist about the good child, which I don’t believe in.
If I look in the dictionary I will find the following explanations:
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Judgmental or rational
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Well-behaved or settled
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Man who is clever
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Prudent
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Quiet or obedient
Relating only to women
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Virgin
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Serious and housewife
Some of them butt heads, e.g. smart and cautious. You can be smart and avoid doing your homework, but it wouldn’t be prudent.
How I think a child should be in the workshop:
Cheerful, laughing.
Present, alert, asking and answering without hesitation.
Participate with interest in the movement activities.
Listening to what I or the other children say, he can move or draw during this time or other activities that help him listen and don’t disturb.
Play with pillows and toys.
He can disturb from time to time.
Understand when it’s playtime and when it’s necessary to participate fully in the activity.
Have the courage to say and do what he feels.
This “good boy” seems to be very permissive. As far as I have seen, a child has no chance of touching him, because he takes different forms depending on the mood of the adult who invokes him and his position in society, parent, educator, salesman, watchman, neighbor, etc.
Vlad, what does it mean to be good?
It depends on who tells you “to be good”, if you propose for example if they say parents it means… don’t break anything, don’t get a complaint, don’t break anything around the house or if they let you to someone to listen to them. If a stranger tells you, I don’t know, nobody told me.
Clearly, my image differs greatly from that of the child. So I suggest you set some criteria to what it means to “be good” with your child on time, what you want from them at school, at home, visiting, etc. so you both have more clarity and a measure of things like:
Expressing your emotions in words without hitting.
Raising your hand before you say something and when the other person speaks, listening without interrupting.
Playing with the ball only outside.
To go out of school only where it is allowed, i.e. on the student exit. If he does go out the window, it’s because he’s trying to see what it’s like to break a rule. And he experiences the emotions. And from my point of view, it still has nothing to do with being or not being naughty, which is too vague a word that leaves room for too much interpretation and discussion.
In business management courses I learned that I always relate to measurable things, never to get into subjective, perception discussions, like “is it a lot or is it a little”, compared to what? That’s pretty much how I see this “good” thing.
Ask me if the child participated in activities, asked questions, was interested in a particular topic, etc. I can handle those answers. What does “being good” mean to you? And what do you want from your child when you ask them to do this? Tell him clearly your requirements and discuss them afterwards punctually, he may have complied with three out of four, it’s a shame to undo all his efforts to please you with “you weren’t good”.
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