Yesterday was a day I’ll probably remember for a long time. I was sitting in Vlad’s room waiting for him to finish showering. He was in the shower longer than usual. He comes into the room with a towel around his waist, underwear in hand and says to me,-I don’t know how I always manage to get my whole body wet like that. He let go of the sink too hard and splashed himself.He usually comes out of the bathroom naked and walks around the house, looking for things, just like I do. Because I’ve been working out all my life, I feel good in my body and don’t have that “shame” retention. I wished he felt good and not ashamed and I wished he felt as natural about his female body as he does about his.Now I see him screwing around like this and he doesn’t seem to start to change and I ask him-Want me to leave the room so you can change?-Yes.
We are starting a new phase in our life and relationship. Of course I’m out. Without saying anything else. Without making fun or making fun of him. I respected his decision. Because I want him to respect my decisions and maybe the decisions of other girls and women he interacts with. And because I understood that it was time to set new rules.
Later I ask him:-Would you like me to change in another room and not stand naked in front of you?-Yes.I wonder what brought about this change so suddenly. And I’m a bit sad. Although earlier in the kitchen she had made herself comfortable in my arms, in the evening she still wants to read and sleep together. When we’re both in bed I ask,-Would you like some boys’ shower gel and deodorant?Read also Puberty in Boys-Yeah, I wish I was starting to sweat too. Do you know how much hair Marius has under his arm? -Yes, does he? I’ll say. All kids develop differently, you know. -I don’t want to have hair, I think it’s horrible.-I don’t like underarm hair either, that’s why I shave it.-Do boys shave too?-Yes, they shave or they shave with a razor.-It sucks to shave, doesn’t it? Like when you take off your hair patch. It hurts.Read also Puberty in girls-I don’t think it’s so bad, I say.I’ve been shaving for a while now.-Boys think they shave more.-Doesit hurt when you shave?-No, it doesn’t hurt. Some shave, some wax, some shave, to each his own.That’s where we stop. For years I’ve been practicing not to be sarcastic and ironic, neither with Vlad nor with other people. It’s a form of showing that you are superior and belittling the person you are talking to, it’s disrespectful.
I make a conscious effort to answer any question seriously and openly no matter how inappropriate it may seem to me. Moreover, when I give information openly and honestly, I make sure that Vlad will have the courage to ask me next time. And I want him to ask me anything, so that I can support him in all his quests.
If you want to be respected and collaborate with your child, honesty and authenticity are the best way. Answering your child’s questions directly and understandably, without innuendo or jokes will create the safe space where he will feel comfortable communicating anything with you. And he will want to be friends.On 7-8.09 we are organising the workshop How to talk in front of the class, go to the link to see why it would be great for your child to come and sign up here. ………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………….For personalised programmes to increase self-confidence and develop children’s socio-emotional skills, please contact us at coaching@oanavaideanu.com or 0729039511, we welcome your requests and suggestions. We organize camps and offer programs for afterschool and kindergarten or school otherwise week on emotional intelligence, self-esteem, online opportunities and sex education.