Many parents avoid letting their children, even when they are older, 10-12 years old, take the consequences of their actions for variousreasons: he is too young, he doesn’t understand, he doesn’t know what to do, I do better or faster. I let Vlad fix what he did wrong, because I think it’s the only way to understand how taking responsibility works.
It’s Monday and we’re getting ready for school .Ihada debt to one of Vlad’s parents in class and I ask:
-Vlad, will you give A 100 lei?
-Yes.
-I’ll put it in an envelope.
-Ok.
Heputsitin his backpack.When we get to school I remindhim to give her the moneyagain. Ok.
When he comes home I ask.
-Did you give him the money?
-No, I forgot.
-It’s ok, you’ll give it tomorrow, make sure you don’t lose it.The next day, Tuesday, I remind him again before I drop him off at school, then the subject slips my mind. On the weekend when we’re calmer, I remember.I check the backpack and the money was still there
-Vlad, did you forget the money?
-Oooof, yes, I forgot. I’ll give it tohimon Monday.I’llremind him again on Monday andwhen he gets home intheevening I’ll check the backpack again.
-You gave him the money, right?
-No, I forgot.
-No
,
it’
s not there.
He comes and checks it, he looks through the backpack, it’s gone.
-Nooo!Someone must havestolen it.I knew it was stolen at school. I talked to the teacher to ask the class, maybe they dropped them and someone found them. The money doesn’t show up.The next day I tell Vlad:
-Give me 50 lei of your money to replace the stolen ones.
Half you put in, half I put in.
-Why, you always make me take money to school, it’s not fair.
It
‘s not fair for people to take things from you without asking and not give them back, you don’t even know who. It’s frustrating, isn’t it?Yeah, of course. Why are they carrying my backpack? -They should be punished. -We’d better find the money. Secondly, it would be nice to be able to leave things in the classroom without being afraid they’ll disappear, okay. I wonder how we could put that into practice at school. -Well, lock the classroom and stop the teenagers from entering our floor, watching the cameras to see who’s coming in. -Wow, what good ideas.-As for the 50 lei, I still think you should give it to me. I asked you before if youagreed to take the money or not. You said yes. That means you took responsibility. Next time, think twice before you agree to do something. I asked you to give half the money because it is always the responsibility of two people in a relationship.
He puffed up a little disgruntled and went to bring me the money.
Read also How to raise a responsible child, more jokingly than seriously
After a few days we go out together with the dog. Ari on a leash. We run into a neighbor who walks her dog off leashall the time .Biju comes up to Ari and nags him and Ari eventually reacts, barks and rushes off to scare Biju.The lady scolds Biju and picks him up, to which Vlad says:-Look mommy, the lady at least takes it on herself. She takes the dog off leash and when Ari growled at him, she didn’t give us a comment, she scolded him and picked him up
-That’s right Vlad.
I was super surprised at how clearly Vlad understood what it means to take your share of responsibility when making a decision. How do you help your child understand what responsibility means?On 7-8.09 we are organizing the workshop How to speak in front of the class, go to the link to see why it would be cool to have your child come and sign up here. ………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………….For personalized programs to increase self-confidence and develop children’s social-emotional skills, please contact us at coaching@oanavaideanu.com or 0729039511, we welcome your requests and suggestions. We organize camps and offer programs for afterschool and kindergarten or school otherwise week on emotional intelligence, self-esteem, online opportunities and sex education.