How I decided to live away from my child

The year 2020, do we cross it off the calendar?

This year, which has brought us so many challenges, I moved to Cluj without Vlad. Vlad stayed with his father in Bucharest. He is 12 years old and I decided that he is mature enough and our relationship healthy enough to let him decide for himself what he wants. And he wanted Bucharest with his classmates, close to his cousins and his father.

How do I feel?

A month has passed since Cluj when I write this article and I am in Bucharest for four days. Yesterday I was sitting with Vlad on the couch, him lying with his head in my arms and I was stroking him and crying, realizing how much I miss him and how much direction and meaning he has given my life for years.


I spent a lot of time thinking about whether it’s okay to take the baby and move away from his father or not and how to organize my life so that Vlad has everything he needs to grow up physically and psychologically healthy. So far I’ve stayed close. Leaving for Cluj I’ve been ruminating a lot and wondering if we’re all going to be ok. Vlad’s father immediately said that he would take him in, that he wanted to and that he would organise it. My sister, her family and my mother are by my side and Vlad unconditionally.

Now the expression “it takes a village to raise a kid” makes more sense.

Am I easy with what I chose?

When I go to the store to shop I still choose products that Vlad likes. I miss having lunch together at the table “in style” and watching the evening pile up on the couch with Ari, our dog at Friends. I miss going with him to practice and sitting with him when he does his homework. I miss him playing music in the morning and coming home from the store with a bottle of Strongbow.

I am confident that we have laid solid foundations.


I was talking to my partner and telling him that I had taught Vlad to express gratitude and love or feel sadness. Especially not to leave home angry because you never know what’s going on and it would be really bad to live your whole life thinking that the other person was left with the impression that you didn’t love them. I got the “a lot you taught Vlad” response. And I guess that’s true.

Read also How I raised my child after my divorce

I think there were a few years when Vlad was old enough to understand and I had plenty of time to spend with him. And maybe the universe knew we were going to live far apart and it helped me lay a solid foundation.

Is he gonna be okay?

Maybe yes or maybe no. A lot of people ask me that. I don’t know how this new stage of life will affect him. I don’t know if it will be good for us or not, and I don’t know if we will stay so far apart or not. I’m doing everything I can to make it better for him and me. And if it doesn’t, we’ll rethink things and find new solutions.

About me

I’ve had a break from blogging and workshops. I had to balance it financially with other projects that didn’t leave me the time and energy to do so. Slowly, slowly I am getting back into writing and organizing ideas with projects in non-formal education for children. If you want to collaborate with workshops, in Romanian or German in Cluj or Bucharest, I’m here and I look forward to meeting you. 🙂

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