When you set a firm boundary, your child will be overwhelmed by powerful emotions such as:
- Frustration
- Anger
- Sadness
What do we do with them?
It’s very hard to see our child crying, it’s only our role to protect them from all harm, not to cause it ourselves. Often we get frustrated or angry in turn and scream too. This deepens the rift between us and the child instead of connecting us. We find ourselves in a vicious circle. What to do? Read also Empathy in children – a simple, straightforward game for the soul
Validate what she feels!
How to do this? We imagine you told him that today he’s not allowed to eat any more of the chocolate he received as a present. I will write here how the dialogue should be conducted in an empathetic way, keeping the connection.
He starts crying and says:It’s not fair! ????You say:Do you really want to eat another piece of candy and it’s frustrating that you’ve eaten today’s portion? He’ll say: Yes. You say:Do you like this candy a lot? He’ll say:Yes. Do you want more now? Yes. After you’ve been there with his excitement and need you say: I understand how much you want it, but my role as a parent is to make sure you’re healthy. Today you’ve had your sweet tooth, but tomorrow you’ll have more.
How does that help?
This dialogue validates her emotion, what she feels. He will feel heard and understood. When we feel understood in a discussion we have the resources to move forward and accept what is happening.
Be fearless!
Validating his emotion doesn’t mean you’re giving in and doing what he wants. Furthermore, when you don’t validate the emotion and say“You have nothing to cry about”, the child will feel rejected, misunderstood and will get the message that what they are feeling is not normal, that it is “defective”. Try and write me what has changed, I can’t wait to hear from you!
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